#10 - Breaking News! The Awkward Silence Is Dead!

SCIENTISTS ANNOUNCE CURE! The thorn in the side of human communication, the disease plaguing every human interaction, finally removed from its deep seated tissue bed. Experts are calling it a breakthrough in social connection, and it is far simpler than we could’ve imagined. Read on for full coverage.

While humans have had language at their disposal for millennia, late-stage interpersonal linguistics have gotten relegated to a simple bifurcation. Social engagements that require interaction with strangers center around one of two questions “What do you do for work?” and “What do you do outside of work?” The former being identified as the primary perpetrator of the Awkward Silence disease.

Let’s hear from a husband and wife duo who recently attended a soirée. All was going well until they were approached by fellow partygoers and the dreaded question was popped.

The wife recounted her initial success, “We were making the rounds asking everyone how they knew Peter, what drew them to him.” Attendees responded positively to these inquiries, with some reciprocating interest in the couple's own connection to the host.

“He traveled 8000 miles in a giant metal bird to attend our 3-day wedding!” the husband shared at one point. As the couple regaled these stories, to keep the conversation going, someone asked them, “so what do you do for work?”

The husband held a more traditional job punching keys to sell handcrafted goods via The Interwebs. When attention turned to the wife, however, the energy turned.

When she was asked, “And what about you?” the wife responded in the only way she knew how “I don’t work.” The wife struggled to find more words while confusion appeared on the asker's face. Eavesdroppers nearby confirmed the atmosphere went cold as participants struggled to navigate this social dead end. The husband and wife were seen leaving the soirée not soon afterwards plagued by the resulting Awkward Silence.

In our time spent with the wife during this investigation, our field reporters found that the wife had abandoned traditional employment finding it emotionally bankrupt. While she didn’t work for riches anymore, she was a fabulous chef bringing people together hosting elaborate feasts, she advocated against social injustices online, created art, and walked her dog daily. Alas, none of these attributes made it into that conversation.

Our experts tried to analyze what went wrong. Their results suggested that in this quest of genuine connection, both the asker and the answerer had failed to understand the other’s motives. The asker had limited the answerer (the wife, in this case) to “someone who doesn’t work” while the wife had failed to give the asker any further insight into the depths of her being.

As has become evident through this reporting, our experts have determined that the key to curing the Awkward Silence is simple. Show genuine human interest. Here is Dr. Varshavskiy, a leading expert in interpersonal communication disorders, to elaborate.

“The core insight is not to ask questions that have dead end answers but asking questions that allow the answerer to share how they feel.” Dr. Varshavskiy noted that asking about work isn't wrong, but requires follow-up. “You can then ask, for example, what made you choose that career? Maybe the answer reveals things about their childhood that you can probe further.”

Experts say that asking a question with emotional stakes gives both the asker and the answerer permission to be progressively vulnerable. Dr. Varshavskiy provided non-exhaustive examples of vulnerability-inducing questions:

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  “What is your favorite part about what you do?”

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  “What is your least favorite part about what you do?”

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  “Why did you choose this profession?”

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  “What made you want to stop working?”

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  “What was something that brought you joy recently?”

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  “What was something that made you sad?”

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  “Oh you have a dog? Did you always want one? Why? Awww, can I pet it? No? Okay, thanks!”

Each question, Dr. Varshavskiy suggests, can elicit an emotional response. They give insight into what the answerer values. “Understanding what someone values lets you explore shared beliefs. These open-ended questions give the asker and answerer threads to keep pulling, thus keeping conversation going.”

When our reporters went back to the soirée attendee and shared these questions, the attendee was in awe at the range of questions one was allowed to ask. The wife reacted in a similar manner, understanding that she could’ve given the asker more threads to pull. Simple, yet brilliant!

When we asked Dr. Varshavskiy how he arrived at this simple insight, he said he was plagued by the Awkward Silence himself and was determined to find a solution. He took a risk to overshare with a fellow doctor one day and found that oversharing resulted in a new companionship. He noticed that this forced vulnerability had incidentally eradicated Awkward Silences from conversations entirely!

He has since learned that human connection and genuine human interest go back centuries but had been progressively lost in this new Digital Age. “Conversation too is an art that must be practiced,” said Dr. Varshavskiy in his parting words. He recommends readers implement these techniques immediately, citing that life is too short for missed connections. We tend to agree.

With GoldenSilenceNews, this is reporter Harjas Singh, signing off.